No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
