her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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