He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
