Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
