My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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