My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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