I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
