Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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