I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
