I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
