I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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