dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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