I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
