so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
