i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
