please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
