Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
