Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
