u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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