just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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