You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
