We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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