my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
