you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
should my penis look like a turkey
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize