Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
