dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
