he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
