Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
