He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We left the knife in your bed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
