How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
