Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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