I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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