if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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