So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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