I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
