they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
