I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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