she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
