I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
