Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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