Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
