it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
