When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
