We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
