ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
