even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
