My sheets look like a crime scene.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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