If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How external is "for external use only"?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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