You're my little dorito
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
