I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think a kid would responsible me up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
