well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
