I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
