the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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