I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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