Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think my vagina is haunted
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
