Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
