I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize