My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
