woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
