We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
