Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
