just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
