Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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