If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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