quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got inside last night via doggy door
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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