Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
