I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
