had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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